How can I get to know what people actually think of me?

Everyone act normal and nice in front of you but have a totally different opinion elsewhere. How can I find out what is that other opinion?

Jordan Phoenix created an exercise called "How does the rest of the world perceive you?" that became a big hit at a personal development retreat I organized several years ago.

Here's how it works:

Some friends and I were camped out in the middle of the wilderness for several days, which I believe is the optimal environment for something like this. Since it was my idea, I chose to be the guinea pig and go first. I walked a few hundred yards away from the group (far away enough to be able to hear yelling, but not able to hear any talking), while they discussed my strengths, my weaknesses, and areas for improvement as a human being.

There was no time limit. The idea was to create a list comprehensive enough to cover everything, and pull no punches. I was to stay put until they yelled out for me to come back. Needless to say, those 20 minutes or so were as nerve wracking as any I can remember.

One person was in charge of reading the list they created. I cringed the whole time, scared shitless every time they would get to the next item.

And then, it was over. "That was it?" I thought. That wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined it was going to be. There were two very important areas of focus they told me I needed to improve upon:

1. Not everything in life is so black and white; life is messy, and there can a lot of grey area in between in complex situations. Be willing to see things differently.
2. It's okay to be open and vulnerable; you don't always need to portray strength and a sense that you have everything under control.

These were spot on, and becoming aware of these blind spots definitely helped me become a better person.

Each person had their turn to walk away from the group, and then come back to face the uncomfortable truths that everyone knew about but themselves. I believe this was such an important part of it, because in this way, it became acceptable for each person to hear the things they needed to hear without feeling defensive, or as if everyone was ganging up on them, because we were all in it together.

We all have certain flaws; and often times, there are some things we do that bother other people that everyone knows about except us. The only clue we ever get is that people disappear from our lives without warning, and the pattern repeats with every new person we meet, until we become aware of what our blind spots are. I highly recommend rounding up a bunch of friends in order to try something like this. It will pay dividends for the rest of your life.